As told by the point of a skate girlfriend.
The following is a compilation of things you may encounter during your courtship of a DHer. [ Yes, just so you
know that I
know these are all generalisations because a) I don’t have time to date 99 other DHers to do the proper research to establish behavioural facts b) generalising is both funny and cool ]
Be prepared to be converted into long boarding
At the early stages of your courtship your DHer will plant the seed by telling you how much easier it’ll make your life. He’ll demonstrate this by skating every where possible no matter how long the distance (yes, he’ll even skate to the corner store that is virtually 5 steps away from his house) Pretty soon if you spend enough time together, you’ll grow wary of always straggling behind as he carves down the street/practices his new trick while he waits for you to catch up. He will try to remedy this issue by getting you to drag him around while he’s on his board (or maybe it’s just a John thing?).
To cement your conversion he will even buy you your very own board. a nice day + he has the day off = you will not see him
If, you’re planning a day to run errands together or have a picnic in the park or such you’ll have to book these things in advance. Even when he’s agreed to it, if it happens to fall on a day when the weather is nice, you’ll probably have to twist his arm or use threats to ensure that he doesn’t back out. Even when he finally agrees, don’t be surprised if the location that he chooses is conveniently located near a skate spot. On the other hand, he may offer to include you in on all the “fun”, and by this I mean you will be the personal taxi driver to him and his fellow DH friends.
For the record, asking to do some mellow skating may result in garaging or sessioning down Russel Hill. I have come to believe that anything below 60 km is considered “mellow” to this breed of boy.
Also, I’m told that road rash is sexy; he will make you show your scars to all his friends. It may feel a little dirty but I think it gives him cool points or something amongst his friends.
Duct tape and Shoe Goo are a DHer’s best friend
You will become accustomed to seeing your lover in random patches of duct tape. To an outsider duct taped clothing maybe a fashion faux pas, but in the mind of a DHer he’s probably thinking something along the lines of “wow, that’s so smart. When you fall you don’t rip your clothes and you can just re-tape that area” With this being said, if you’re going to purchase any clothing as a gift be sure to specify whether it’s can be worn skating or not.
As far as Shoe Goo is concerned, when faced with an issue traditionally solved with a tailor or cobbler, it’s a DHer’s bestfriend. Need to repair your leathers? Put that patch on? How about that hole in your sneaker? The answer is Shoe Goo.The best gift is skate gear or skate related paraphernalia
You should also expect the same in return.
Nothing says ‘I love you’ more than a new set of knee pads, or new bum shorts/pads, or if you’re trying to be that skate girlfriend that everyone compares their girlfriends to; NJKs or an Icaro/ Charly will do the trick. If you need a stocking stuffer, duct tape is a good choice. You can never have too many rolls, and they always seem to carry a roll every where they go.Have a keen sense of locating Police
A good DHer will have eagle eye precision when it comes to detecting where the cops are at all times. Whether it’s a block or 3 km away, if one is in the vicinity they already know and will make note of it. It’s like they have a
sixth sense for po po’s. At some point he will want to hold his own (outlaw) race
Sure, he’ll get the date, place, and have people show up but you will be the one organising the whole thing. Be prepared to do A LOT of yelling. You will have to repeatedly instruct them to do things, such as getting registered. They have mastered the art of looking like they’re listening but actually aren’t (or maybe they do listen but get distracted very easily) I find that a good trick to getting a DHer to listen is to threaten them with penalties that will effect their chances of making it to the podium. Also, cookies, candies, popsicles and beverage are good tools in baiting them to specific areas.
DHers need breaks. They are also referred to as “Safety Meetings”. Because these breaks have a tendency of exceeding 15mins and have the potential of turning into another kind of session, be sure to be on their ass about taking so long or setting a time limit.
Also note that it’s because of their small attention spans that DHers are often tardy. If they say they will be home by 11PM it really means 2-3 AM.They are video/ camera whores
Oh yes, if your strapping DHer has reached the status where he makes an appearance in a video (perhaps has made it as a team rider of some sort) you will be watching every single one of them. Even re-watching the sections where he’s on the screen and if anyone else comes over and there’s internet connection, you will be watching this video with them as well (this may happen several times). This applies to photos as well. They are all looking out for that one picture that can make it as their new avatar or profile picture.Are always looking for that new skate spot
Every DHer is constantly on the search for that new skate spot that they’re the first to skate/discover. This applies to any street, path, lane/driveway, anything paved really, with an incline. If he’s driving and you’re in the car, he’ll ask you a series of questions of how skateable you think it is, how good the pavement looks, if it looks like it would be fun to skate, or to keep note of it so he can check it out later.
When he isn’t DHing he’s talking about DHing
When these guys get together, the conversation topic of choice 9/10 times is about DHing. One may ask themselves, how much can you really talk about DHing? And the answer is A LOT
. It’s amazing how much knowledge/ discussion about skate spots / gear can be had or how many times you get to hear the same stories spewing out of their mouths over and over again.
Are able to drop trou at any moment
One thing for sure, these boys are not shy to de-pant/ disrobe anywhere. They can be seen casually wandering around on the side of the road in nothing but their boxers with leathers in hand. A very good bonus when it comes to dating a DHer is the copious amount of half naked random boy eye candy you get to ogle. (Probably not true, but someone needs to see the silver lining. Although seeing the pro whose board you're riding in boxers is something that other DHers might be jealous of
Apparently it helps them to be Ninja when they are being chased by cops, “what, I wasn’t skating down that highway going really fast, I’m just some guy with really big shorts on” (referencing bum shorts)Are constantly checking OLF
And various other skateboarding sites. Even ones in languages they can’t read. If it’s about DHing they have to have a profile on that site.
DHers, please keep in mind that any SN you chose for your profile will become the name that you will be known as in real life. Think twice about your name, it might sound fucking gnar but remember that’s what will be showing up on your DHing buddy’s caller ID when you call. & yes skate girlfriends will probably know your OLF names and not your IRL ones.
But seriously, what’s so important that you have to check OLF 20 gazillion times a day?
Dating a DHer definitely comes with its fair share of quirks but I love my DHer and wouldn’t have it any other way….although they do have a tendency to be broken a lot and this effects the sex life. Meh.
P.S it's kind of long but get over it!